Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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