i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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