i don't like sucking hair
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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