I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
