sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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