Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
