Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
