hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
