it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
