He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
