i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
