I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
