Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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