Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
