at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
