no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize