i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
