He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's Friday. Sex?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
