I'm jealous of your bromance
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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