Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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