whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I understand Curling. That high.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
