I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
