Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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