My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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