Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
