Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
