I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
how does that bad decision feel?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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