Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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