I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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