Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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