Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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