I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He did a backflip because drugs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
