I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
