are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize