So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize