i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
