if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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