i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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