My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
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You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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