I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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