my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
