at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
