Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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