Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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