So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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