You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
