The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
