I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
