Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
