My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
