I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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