I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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