dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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