She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
