My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
