I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize