I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
