no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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