i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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