Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
