Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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