Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
