Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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