well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
