I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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