You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
