I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
