I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
