After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
