My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
