i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
