wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
