I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
