it hurts more in the daytime
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
