end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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