forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
