i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
