At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
