Soap is not a condiment
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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