My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
