I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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