I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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