Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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