just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
