You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
