Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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