I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
